Friday, March 26, 2010

Create in me a Clean Heart

Obviously David was speaking of the inner part of the soul, but that was my prayer this week as I was having another heart cath for recurrent chest pain. Praise God that all of my bypass grafts were completely open and that there were no new blockages. Because almost all clotting of the grafts occurs early on, this means that my vessels should remain open for a long time. For that I am grateful. The question that nags at me is what has been causing my chest pain.

So while I am thankful for the good news, I have some mixed emotions. First, I am somewhat embarrassed that there was nothing wrong and that my family came in town and friends and family were called upon to pray. One of my biggest fears is to be a hypochondriac. I really think that is one of the reasons I did not go in to get things checked out the first time around until too much time had passed. Could the pain I have been having now be due to stress? Certainly there has been some stress and I have a lot of things going on, but I really do not feel stressed and I enjoy all of the things I am involved in. Plus my pain has all been with significant exertion and stress related pain is rarely brought on by exertion.

Could it be that whatever was causing the problem was healed before my cath? Certainly God is able and there has been a lot of prayer. I guess I will know more when I start back exercising. If there is no more pain, then that would be a possibility. I would love to know because I would love to give Him all of the praise and glory. I give him praise anyway. One interesting point about that happened the week before last at lifegroup. A couple called and wanted to come and visit, but they were from Kileen. They came anyway but were very late having encountered many difficulties getting here. When they got here I was asking for prayer for my heart. After everyone else had left, they stayed and felt like the reason they were to come was to pray for me. So they prayed for me for the next hour and a half. I did not feel anything but who knows what happened. I did not even get their last name or address. Were they angels?

I guess what is hard is just not knowing. The analytical part of me likes to have everything answered and a reason for things. Unfortunately God does not always give us complete answers. That was very clear with my problem from the beginning. Why do I even have heart trouble? There is no reason in the natural. God is wanting to teach me things. My prayer all along has been that through it all He would show Himself in a new and even greater way.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for me and who gave words of encouragement and support.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Heart of the Matter

It is closing in on one year since my heart surgery (CABG) (March 31st.) and I was going to make a post celebrating the event. I was also going to celebrate by going to Bush's Chicken since I have not had it since the surgery. Unfortunately, things have not been kind enough for all of that to occur. Starting about 4-6 weeks ago I started getting chest pain again when I would run or play tennis. It was a little hard to tell at first because your chest always hurts when you have it cracked open. I talked it over with my cardiologist and he suggested that we do a repeat cath.

I am a little bummed out about it all because I have really been a great patient. I take my medicine regularly, I eat properly and I have worked hard to get in shape and exercise often. That combined with the fact that we really don't know why I got CAD in the first place makes it hard to know what to do. I am ready to accept just about anything they may find except another surgery. Even if I have to give up tennis and running, I am ready to do that. My prayer is that I can learn what God wants to teach me, but also that I can grow more intimate with Jesus.

Everyone has been so encouraging and has been praying for me and I appreciate it immensely. I will put another post after the cath.

Enjoy the grandkid pics. They are what keeps me going.