Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." This has always been one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but in all honesty it has also been one of the most difficult for me to follow. It has been my M.O. to try to maintain control of my life and all situations. Fortunately that has worked well most of my life (at least for me - those around me may not feel the same), but I feel like I have missed some direction from God and some blessings because of this. Then with my surgery, I completely lost control of my life and I was forced to re-examine my way of doing things.
The other day I was driving back from the lakehouse with my mother who is now very confused. She was not sure where she was or what was going to happen to her and after answering many questions, I finally said that she just needs to trust me. Her response was "What else can I do?" It really got me to thinking that that was what God is trying to say to us. He just wants us to trust Him. There are times when we do not know where He is leading and events in our life just do not make sense. At that point we just need to trust Him. But for me the bigger problem is that I don't realize that I am confused. I go through life trying to control it and thinking that I know where I am going, while in reality I am lost. The first step in trusting is to realize you are confused. We often call this humility. We all need a good dose of it.
When I asked my mother if she thought she could trust me, she responded that she knew me and that I was trustworthy. In the same way we can trust God because we know His character. We know that He is good and that He is powerful, and therefore He can take care of us and do what He says He will do. And that is the gist of it. We have to admit that we do not know it all and turn to One who does. Of course trust is earned and it starts out small and grows as the One we trust shows His trustworthiness. I have a lot to learn in this area. But if God can speak through a donkey, surely He can speak through a confused old lady. We just need to be listening.

Jars Of Clay

Since my bypass surgery I have been trying to determine what God wants to teach me through this. The thing that keeps popping up is the passage in II Cor. 4:4-12 where Paul talks about holding a treasure in jars of clay. Let me see if I can communicate what God has been teaching me through this.
The first thing that he mentions is this treasure that we as believers have but nonbelievers do not have as they are blinded. This treasure is His light shining in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. In other words, because we have Christ in us and we have seen Him through the Gospel writers, we can truly see and understand a glimpse of the glory of God. In fact we have that glory shinning through our hearts to others. A city set on a hill cannot be hid and we want our light to so shine forth. In Heb. 1:3 we also see that Jesus is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being. That is the treasure we have and it is a beautiful thing.
But here is the hooker. We do not have this treasure in a golden vase. Rather we have it in jars of clay. That seems so preposterous, but so it always is with God. Why would this be? In verse 7 he says that it is to show that this incredible power (God's glory) is from God and not from us. He does not want us or others to be distracted by the vessel. It is simply that - a vessel.
What are the characteristics of jars of clay? First of all they are common, used by common people and not for great show. Secondly, they are frail and easily broken. Thirdly, they are cheap and can be easily discarded. But they are useful for the task of holding things and then pouring it out when needed.
So what is it that God is trying to teach me/us through this? The first thing is that our bodies are like clay. They are very fragile and break down. I used to think my body was like a steel canister and was very proud of how healthy I was and what great shape I was in. Well that has all been thrown out the window. Secondly, we really have nothing to boast about - we are just humble, common everyday vessels. Thirdly, we cannot allow our broken bodies to affect the inner man and our ability to hold the treasure. In fact God is more glorified when we offer our broken bodies to Him for service than when we try to do thing in our own power and energy. And lastly, the treasure was not meant to be hidden or stored but to be shared, poured out, shinning forth and bubbling over. So when I see my broken down body, I am not to mourn or get depressed. That is exactly where God wants me. He needed to humble me. I have always said that we can either humble our selves or God will humble us. He did me in a big way and hopefully when I look back I can be truly thankful.

CABG Update

Well for those of you who were wondering, I thought I would give you an update on my condition. Attached are the diagrams of my cath and the bypasses. For those of you who are astute, you will see only five. He left one of them off on the diagram, but you still get the picture - my heart looks like an old piece of equipment put back together with duct tape and hoses.

I am now a little over three weeks out and am feeling well. I am walking 30 minutes twice a day and really have no pain, except if I cough or sneeze. My appetite is good but I lost about 9 pounds and have not yet been able to gain any back.

Some may ask what I do all day and it is a little embarrassing. First you must realize that everything goes in slow motion after a surgery like this , so what I could do in two hours normally, takes me all day. A lot of the time is spent eating, then going for my walks and then taking a mid morning and mid afternoon nap. I never used to take naps. I have done some reading and thanks to those who have sent books, and done a lot of correspondence on the computer (and blogs). We have been doing some financial counselling through our church. I am trying to keep the garden going (though I can't do much). All in all it sounds pretty weak and pathetic - I agree.

I am planning on going back to work next Monday, starting with half days and see how I do. I have been doing some paperwork throughout this time to try to keep up and help out. I have been so humbled by the amazing outpouring of love and support during this time. So many have brought food, books, flowers, driven me places, prayed for us, called to check up and so much more. It is so hard to keep receiving all the time and not be able to do anything in return. But God is showing me the importance of being able to receive graciously, and what it is like to be needy. I have always been so self reliant, but this has really pulled the rug out from under me, and allowed me to see where my true reliance needs to be. Pray that God continues to teach me during and through this trial.

The City of Love - Venezia

We arrived in Venice by train in the morning and took the waterbus to our hotel, The Antico Doge, which was a converted 16th century palace. It was very nice and elegant and the people very friendly. We then got our map and headed down to St. Marks square. It is always impressive to see the massive Basilica, and going inside we enjoyed the unique differences from the others we had seen as this was more gothic. The inside was filled with golden mosaics and multiple other works of art. Unfortunately you cannot take pictures which was hard for me. We then toured the square and toyed with the idea of going to the top of the bell tower but did not have time. There was of course the traditional pigeons and sidewalk cafes. From there we found a little place to eat dinner, grabbed some gellato and made it a night.

The next day we got up and headed to the Accademia which was a beautiful museum full of more art than we could digest. We then strolled around the remainder of the city, down rivas along the canals, across bridges over the canals, through narrow streets with shops and restaurants. There were some neat piazzas and various churches. One of the best was a Friari, known as Santa maria de Gloriosa. There was a plethora of art and sculpture inside and lots of history. We ate lunch (and more gellato) and then found this little shop with monogramed aprons which we got for all of our girls. We then went through some of the neighborhoods, including the Jewish getto. by this time we were tired and made it back to the hotel. But I, always wanting to get the great shot, went down to St. Marks to take a picture of this other church across the Grand canal at sunset. We ended the day with a nice dinner and more gellato.

It was sad but our time in Italy was coming to a close. The next day we took the train to Milan and had a hotel there. The next morning we flew out and fortunately I was by the window and got some great shots as we flew over the Italian Alps. On to the good ole USA. Cialo.

The Cinque Terre

While we were in Florence, I really wanted to go to the Cinque Terre. I had heard so many good things about it and though it was going to press our time in Florence , we decided to go for it. We took the train on Sunday afternoon, and after a few wrong connections we finally made it to our first stop, Riomaggiore. The hotel closed at 8:00 and we did not get there till 8:15 but after a few phone calls they were gracious and let us in. We ate dinner at this restaurant and wanting to be cultural, I ordered some little fish. Well what they brought out was really little fish - acually semi fried minnows, head in all. I actually ate most of it but definitely will not order that again.

The next morning we set out on our hike. The Cinque Terre is actually five cities on the west coast of Italy, all within a mile to a mile and a half from each other and connected by a concrete coastal path. But it is also a national park with miles of trails going up into the mountains which rise 2000 - 2500 feet above the coast. They all interconnect and one could spend days travelling them all. We started up into the mountains and got about 1500 - 1800 feet up before moving on to the next town, Manarola. The hiking was pretty strenuous, especially for Luana, and thankfully I had no problems considering what I know now. In Manarola we ate lunch and enjoyed the beautiful views over the seas. We also found out that the coastal road was closed due to landslides, so we had to go back up into the mountains, though not as high and had a beautiful walk to the next town of Corniglia. By this time we were running out of time and had to take the train to the next two towns, Vernazza and Monterosso. We ate dinner there and had some gellatoand had to get back on the train to Florence.

It is really a spectacular place with multiple levels of beauty. First of course is the seas with their pure and gorgeous blue waters. Then there are the towns which have such a quaint beauty with their multicolored houses, winding and hilly streets, shops and great views. Looking the other way is the mountains and the views they afford. Then there are the forrests up in the mountains, broken up by the terraced hills planted with vineyards, olive trees, lemon and orange trees. Top all of that with a plethora of wildflowers as well as cultured flowers. And as if that wasn't enough, to be able to enjoy all of that with my lovely wife and beautiful daughter was nothing short of paradise. Lastly we will move on to Venice.

On to Firenze

Well, after we departed Rome. we took the Eurostar train to Firenze (Florence). It was a beautiful ride through the Italian countryside and we were bubbling with excitement as we knew we were getting close to seeing Mary Beth. We took a taxi to our hotel and then went walking to her apartment which was only 5-10 minutes away. We found the street but did not know the exact # so we finally had to find a phone booth (and figure out how to work it) and called her. It was thrilling to see her running down the narrow street toward us. On a side note, since she has been there she has gotten more beautiful, more confident and glowing. After seeing her apartment and meeting her roommates, we got some K-Bob's for lunch and then walked over the Arno to the Medici gardens. They were large and beautiful and we also went into the old palace (now a museum) and we got to catch up on things. That afternoon we boarded a train and headed out to the Cinque Terre (more on that later).

We got back from Cinque Terre late the next evening and went to bed. Mary Beth had class all the next day, so Luana and I went to the Accademia and once again got to be awed by Michaelangelo's David. Unfortunately you can no longer take pictures but we stood there for a long time taking it all in. Then we walked over to the magnificent Duomo and walked through that beautiful Basilica.Then I let Luana do some shopping while I took the 430 steps up to the top of the Duomo which offered a 360 degree view of Florence and the weather was perfect.

We then got some lunch and opted for a relaxing afternoon of lounging on the grass by the Arno River and reading. Then Mary Beth met up with us and she took us up to the Piazza de Michaelangelo for another overlook of the city and an amzing sunset. We capped off the evening with a wonderful dinner with her good friend Meg. We then said our goodbyes and headed off the next morning to Venezia.

Ahh Roma

After being grossed out by the last blog, and since I have a little unexpected time, I thought I would give you a glimpse of our time in Italy where we were Mar.12-21 seeing our daughter, Mary Beth who is studying abroad there in Florence. Our plane landed in Roma (that's Rome for all you Yankees) at 7:00 AM after an all night flight. We were tired but were able to check into our hotel and after a short 1 hour nap, we headed out from our hotel over the Tevere (Tiber) river and into the old city. It is amazing just to stroll through the area with all of the narrow streets which go in all directions changing names every block, old buildings, sidewalk cafes and piazzas with fountains and statues everywhere. We were able to catch the Pantheon (which to me is one of the most remarkable buildings in old Roma), the Trevi Fountain and then the Coloseum. We took a tour there and spent a lot of time taking in the magesty of the building and what it must have been like in its days of glory. From there we passed the Arc de Triumph of Constantine and over to the ruins of the old Forum and the Imperial Forum. It was awesome to wander around the ruins of the rulers of most of the known world. It is also sobering to realize that that is what becomes of all of our worldly possessions and power. Then we made our way to the Spanish Steps and lastly to the Piazza del Popolo and across the Tiber, a quick meal and early bed.

The next day we had booked a tour of the Vatican Museum and St. Peter's. It was a good tour and way too much to really take in but really breathtaking works of art. Then there was the Cistene Chapel. There are not words to describe the scene. The only thing I can say was AWE. It was as if the true creator's hand there working through the hands of Michelangelo. Then if that doesn't do you in, you walk into the Basilica of St. Peter and your mouth drops once again. Where do you start to describe it all? There is the enormity of the structure, the paintings, the sculptures, the columns and much more. We did not have time to go up to the top (which in retrospect with my heart disease was probably a blessing). Then after a leasurely lunch at a sidewalk cafe, we decided the afternoon would be relaxing as we strolled through the neighborhoods of the Trastevere. Two things were of note. One was a little church, Santa Maria de Trastevere, where we went inside and it was beautiful - so much so that as we sat down to pray and meditate, Luana was reduced to tears. The other was a park that we walked through and were actually able to get a overview look at the old city - spectacular view.

Our time in Roma was at an end but we felt blessed to have seen so much and still been leisurely. The weather was perfect and we were in good spirits for the next day we would get to see Mary Beth.